The new parent pain that took me by surprise
How to give your arms a break when your baby wants to be held. All. The. Time.
It will come as a surprise to no one that looking after a baby is exhausting, but there was one facet of the physical exhaustion that I was woefully unprepared for as a new mum: the accumulative arm ache caused by having to hold my son. All. The. Time.
Before I became a parent I paid no attention to how little I actually used my arm muscles. I was capable of carrying bags of shopping heavier than a baby, but that did not prepare me for the feat of endurance I would have to undergo with a newborn.
The sheer relief of a visitor who can hold the baby to give you a break will be even rarer for those with a newborn in lockdown, so I thought it would be helpful to canvass parents to learn the little things that can help ease the burden.
Take to your bed
I will be forever grateful to the friends who told me it was possible to breastfeed my baby while laying on my side.
Newborns feed round the clock and there are only so many hours you can spend sitting up with your arms in a cradle hold position. Give your muscles a chance to recover by lying on your side on a bed with the baby facing you to feed.
This advice hit a chord with other breastfeeding parents on Twitter. “Definitely agree with this one,” said Cassandra Davis, founder of Cahill Davis Publishing. “It's a game changer. Especially late at night.”
Half moon hero
A piece of advice that is suitable for both breastfeeding and bottle-feeding parents is to invest in a feeding cushion.
These are curved pillows that fit around your middle when you are seated, so your baby can be positioned on top, raising them up to a suitable height to feed without having your arm trapped underneath them.
“Using a feeding cushion can really help as you aren’t necessarily holding their weight, but you can still be close and touch and stroke baby,” said Nicole Ratcliffe founder of Baby2Sleep. “My second is nine months and a big girl and this really has been so helpful.”
Carl MacDonald who blogs at PremDad also found “half-moon shaped cushions are good for keeping them snuggled while you're sat close by.”
My family got me this one from Ikea (Len, £17) and it barely left my lap for months.
Tag team with your other arm
This issue is compounded if you have more than one baby to look after. One very simple piece of advice that Carl wanted to pass on was: “having twins, I just regularly swapped arms so the heaviest wasn't always in the same”.
It might seem obvious, but remembering to make the switch before one arm gets overtired can help keep your stamina up.
Choose your seat wisely
Does your sofa or chair have armrests at just the right height for you to prop up the arm that is holding your baby’s head while their body rests in your lap? If so, you may want to claim this seat as your own.
I found myself regularly shifting from one end of the sofa to the other when settling down for a feed, as being able to prop up my arm made it much less uncomfortable.
Baby carrying
The most frequent piece of advice shared with me by parents on Twitter was to make use of a sling, as it will allow you to hold your baby close whilst leaving your hands free.
Nicole recommends the Ergobaby 360 carrier as she used it with her babies and found “it really helped”. It is currently reduced in price from £119.90 to £95.90 at Ergobaby.
If you can wait for lockdown restrictions to be lifted before you shop for a sling, it is a good idea to try before you buy, as there are so many different types, all of which will suit different people.
I never quite got to grips with the wrap-style one I bought before my son was born. I couldn’t get over the fear that he would slip out of it, so it has languished in the cupboard under the stairs, while I’ve idly pondered whether a more structured baby carrier may have been better for me.
Baby shelf
Carrying your baby does get slightly easier when they can support their own head - and then again when they can sit up unsupported – as then they take some of their own weight, but this does occur as they are getting heavier, so sadly you’re not out of the arm ache woods yet.
For older babies, a few parents have recommended hip seats - these are baby carriers that strap around your waist with a padded seat for your baby to balance on.
“You just have to have your arm round them. Takes a lot of strain off,” says Matt Zitron, who used one to carry his baby both at home and when out.
Hip seats don’t usually have harnesses, so they don’t offer the same level of security as slings, but this isn’t necessarily a downside when your child gets a bit older.
"It feels sturdier than just carrying, plus when they do that awkward thing of one minute wanting to be up... the next wanting to walk (you'll have a lot of that!) it's so much easier than if they were strapped in as you can put them down and pick them back up in an instant," says Stephanie Homewood, who recommends the Bebamour Hipseat Baby Carrier £29.99 at Amazon UK.
“I think it saved my back to be honest,” she adds.
Can You Help With A Little Thing?
An upcoming issue of The Little Things will focus on how to handle a toddler who bites. Have you tackled this issue with your child? If so, please do let me know by replying to this email. I would love to hear what helped you get through this trying stage – even if it’s just taking a deep breath and knowing this time too shall pass!
Little Lowdown
After contemplating the decision for some time, Isaura Barbé-Brown decided to freeze her eggs. She takes readers through the process step-by-step in this illuminating article for Black Ballad.
In the latest episode of Rachel Moss and Brogan Driscoll’s podcast ‘Am I Making You Uncomfortable’ they discuss why some mother-daughter relationships can be so tricky and how to break the cycle.
I recently realised that a third of my son’s life has been spent amid varying coronavirus restrictions, so I found it soothing to read this article on what impact the pandemic has had on toddlers by Catherine Pearson for HuffPost US.
About Me
I’m Ellen Wallwork, a sleep-deprived mum-of-one, incessant worrier and freelance journalist. I’ve been writing about parenting for more years than I care to remember and previously launched the Parents section on HuffPost UK. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (but be warned, I’m not a prolific poster).
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Disclaimer: This newsletter does not provide medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. The use of any information contained in this newsletter is solely at your own risk.