The morning after the (disturbed) night before
Because there's only so much coffee you can drink.
Your head is spinning, your eyelids are heavy and you can’t shake the slight feeling of nausea – who needs to go on a bender when you’ve got a sleep-refusing child ensuring you feel like you’re hungover.
The sleep deprivation endured by parents is often joked about, but the morning after a disturbed night, it certainly doesn’t feel very funny.
Whether you can’t remember the last time you slept for eight uninterrupted hours, or your child has an uncanny ability to pick the evening before an important event for a sleep strike, you can take comfort in the fact you’re not alone.
When I asked parents to share whether they’ve found anything that makes it easier to get through the day after being up all night, I was flooded with responses.
Just hearing back from so many people who had been through the same thing – and survived – made me feel a little better. So I’m hoping to pass that lifeline on to you, along with their advice…
Be prepared
On a day when you’re feeling energised, be a good friend to yourself by tackling some batch cooking. You’ll thank yourself for it later.
“When we're sleep-deprived, cooking a healthy meal from scratch can be particularly unappealing, so having a few freezer portions of a balanced meal ready to go can be a game-changer,” says Lauren Peacock, founder of Little Sleep Stars. “Nutrition and sleep are essential aspects of overall wellbeing.”
Lucille Whiting also recommends popping some overnight oats in the fridge in the evening. “Then you'll have something healthy to nibble at when you have to get up (lack of sleep makes me nauseous),” she says.
Refresh
“Don't skip the shower,” advises Hanna Cesek-Shaw over email. Some mornings this may feel like just another chore to add to your list, but you will feel like a new person afterwards. “I’ve managed a bath whilst she played on the floor which helped,” adds Jennifer Earle.
Don’t dwell on the night before
While it’s tempting to wallow in self-pity, that’s not going to make you feel any better. “Getting up and deciding to get on with the day is the biggest thing I can do to survive,” says Luke Waterfield. “Switch from that 'maybe they'll go back to sleep and I can nap' hellscape to breakfast, shower, out the door to do something (this morning I went and did a shop before work).”
Fake it till you make it
“Stick your fave music on at breakfast and rock out with your littles,” advises Hanna.
Remember there’s a world outside
One piece of advice that was recommended most frequently was to get out of the house and go for a walk. “The air and movement will help you and the daylight might help their internal clock,” says Jennifer. Lex advises organising your day so it starts with coffee and a walk outside (even if it’s just around the block). “It wakes me up and helps shake the headache I often seem to have after a rough night,” she explains.
Give yourself a break
“CBeebies is a godsend,” says Lex. If you don’t feel up to laying on activities to keep your kids busy, don’t beat yourself up about it. Some telly viewing may actually be preferable to time spent with a grumpy mum wielding a Pritt Stick.
Tune out social media
“Always avoid Instagram Stories,” says Lex. “Because there’s forever a photo of a cherubic baby younger than mine with the caption: ‘This little angel slept from 6pm-8am last night for Mummy!’ and I just want to cry/throttle the mother.”
Try a treat for your senses
“Stick some energising essential oils in a diffuser - like black pepper, citrus (lemon, lemongrass, orange, lime), rosemary, basil and ginger,” suggests Hanna.
Pause for a pamper
Kelly Pike says she “feels like an expert”, when it comes to coping with sleep deprivation as she has three non-sleepers to contend with. “I’m very often up all night and then have to work,” she says. “I recommend facial oils. I basically give myself a mini facial in the morning and the small moment of breathing in the oils helps. I use Decleor, UMA Wellness Oil or Neighbourhood Botanicals. I find it gives me a bit of a boost.”
Try a cup of something different
“Matcha green tea works wonders. It's naturally high in caffeine and it's pretty good for you too,” says Lucille.
You may not be able to nap when your child does, but…
“The standard ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ advice isn't always possible to follow,” says Lauren. “Although if you can take a quick 20-30 minute power nap whilst your little one snoozes then go for your life. I find ‘rest whilst baby sleeps’ is often a more realistic aim, and is still a great way to keep the wheels on following a tricky night.”
Remove all non-essential tasks from your to-do list for today
“Sleep-deprivation affects us hugely, both physically and emotionally so be kind to yourself - a hot cuppa will do you more good than tackling your ironing pile,” says Lauren.
But do tackle the easy wins
Getting to the end of the day and feeling like you’ve achieved nothing can be very demoralising, so while she advises “canceling any cancel-able plans”, Halima Khatun also suggests that you should “go ahead with anything work related that gives job satisfaction,” as “the small wins help you through such days.”
Go to bed earlier
“This one sounds so obvious but it's amazing how restorative this can be, says Lauren. “Children typically take their soundest chunk of sleep pre-midnight so taking advantage of this to bank a solid few hours can make a huge difference.”
Can You Help With A Little Thing?
The Little Things is going to be coming out just once a month for the time being, as I have taken on some extra editing shifts.
An upcoming issue will focus on how to keep kids entertained indoors when it’s too cold and wet to play out. Have you found any solutions that will help them burn off energy and have fun? If so, you can let me know by replying to this email, your ideas are gratefully received.
Little Lowdown
Want to get a head start on your Christmas shopping? I spoke to trend forecasters to investigate which toys are going to be the most popular this year, for an article on The Strategist UK.
Have you noticed that the ‘ethos’ of CBeebies has been a little different since June? Victoria Richards uncovered why in this HuffPost UK interview with the charming Ben Cajee.
“I feel like a nursing mother again. The way my body gets confused when I am far from them.” In this compelling read in Time magazine, Lynn Steger Strong writes about how coronavirus restrictions have impacted her sense of self as a mother.
These ‘dilation pumpkins’ made by midwives have been haunting me ever since Halloween, and now they can menace you too.
'We were told she'd miscarried. Then I was told to go outside.' A man has shared his experience of coronavirus maternity restrictions with Laura Hampson on Yahoo.
A psychologist shares how the advice she gives families has changed since she became a mum, in a feature on Parents.com.
About Me
I’m Ellen Wallwork, a sleep-deprived mum-of-one, incessant worrier and freelance journalist. I’ve been writing about parenting for more years than I care to remember and previously launched the Parents section on HuffPost UK. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (but be warned, I’m not a prolific poster).
If you enjoyed this newsletter and perhaps learnt something new, please do forward it to your friends or give it a shout out on social media. You could also buy me a virtual coffee through ko-fi, here (caffeinated please, did I mention I'm tired?)
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Disclaimer: This newsletter does not provide medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. The use of any information contained in this newsletter is solely at your own risk.