15 ways to make lockdown parenting more bearable
Families are not meant to exist in a vacuum.
Once again we parents find ourselves in an impossible situation, having to balance 24 hour childcare and work, with little to no support.
Families are not meant to exist in a vacuum. All those little interactions and institutions we once took for granted – after school clubs, playgroups, coffee mornings and even schools themselves – are once more out of bounds.
It can be hard to muster up the energy to face the coming weeks juggling work, childcare and homeschooling, while also battling your own worries about the virus and the post-pandemic world.
If it feels like there’s simply too much to do in the day - that’s because there is. While there’s no way to make the next few months a breeze, we can make things a bit easier by learning from the past.
So I’ve asked mums and dads to share the little things they learned during the first lockdown, which make parenting in a pandemic a bit less stressful and more bearable.
These tips are personal and won’t all suit every family, but hopefully there will be a little nugget in here that will make a difference to your day.
1. Don’t expect too much
“I'm trying to lower expectations of what I'm capable of, as a non-teacher and being led by [my four-year-old],” says Nic Redman. “It's becoming apparent the emphasis needs to be on play and exploration. And letting go of trying to aim for any academic milestones for him at the moment.
“The more he plays, the more he'll learn in the long run. Plus it’s more fun for me too! Who knew I'd get so good at kinetic sand…”
2. We’re in this together
“Having my five-year-old in the room with me working seems to help,” says Jessica Morgan, who adds that she finds this eases any guilt she feels about work.
3. But we all need alone time too
There are some tasks that are impossible to do with a child distracting you. “I'm going to get up before they're up to do the things I need to focus hardest on,” adds Jessica. “Eight-year-old is allowed on the laptop in her room which she also loves - independence.”
4. Set the scene
“The creation of a mini office within the big office seems to work for our four-year-old. He loves it,” says Aranda Rahbarkouhi, who blogs at Saffron and Cyrus.
5. Have a team meeting
Michelle Parkes is head of marketing at earthcubs, a free environmental education and entertainment app for children, which includes teaching resources for home learning.
She always starts the day with a brisk walk with her sons. “It's some time away from devices to talk about plans for the day,” she explains. “I also share what I'm up to and how much I need their help when I have to jump on important calls.”
6. Timing is key
Jessica has found “mornings are best for school work - afternoons they can watch a film”.
7. Break it down
“Learning in short bursts with regular breaks works well and it's less stressful for everyone,” says Lucille Whiting. “[Children] need the breaks and I can get bits of work done. Trying to get it all done in one block just makes it all take longer.”
8. Plot your own timetable
If you’re struggling to find time to get things done, you might benefit from taking a leaf out of Maria Newman’s book.
“I have a home learning/working from home schedule I used for the first lockdown which I’ve revised,” says Maria, who is founder of Mummy on a Break.
Everyone's timetable will look different, but Maria has shared this example day from her’s with a column each for her and her two kids.
Depending on your children's ages (and the number of computers you have), you may be able to carve out time to work while they're learning like Maria, or your time to work may have to fit in with the kids’ breaks.
There is no ‘right’ way to structure your day, it’s about finding a routine that works for you and reduces the worry about when you’ll be able to get anything done.
9. Don’t try to emulate school/others
“Remember, just because children are at school for six hours, doesn’t mean they are being taught straight for six hours,” says Natalie Costa, confidence coach for children and the founder of Power Thoughts.
“My suggestion is to go with what feels right for your family and don’t get sucked into the comparison bubble if your day doesn’t match up to social media.”
10. Embrace the noise
“The sounds of children playing or crying in the background can be disruptive, but it needs to be normalised,” says Charlotte Davies, LinkedIn Careers Expert and mum of two.
“One LinkedIn member shared her experience of bonding with a stranger over the phone after hearing the hustle and bustle of her family life. We don’t have water cooler chats anymore, but we can still share with our colleagues beyond the 9-5, and ultimately have a better relationship for it.”
11. Cut yourself some slack, wherever you can
Think about everything you need to get done, is there anything that can be put on hold for a bit? These are truly exceptional circumstances and there will be plenty of time to catch up when the schools are back.
Personally, I’ve reduced the frequency of this newsletter, something I was reluctant to do as I was worried about losing momentum, but I’m glad I did, as regaining that extra bit of time each month has eased the pressure.
If nothing can give at work, then certainly don’t even think about picking up the hoover/iron for the foreseeable.
12. Don’t let a bad day throw you off course
“Appreciate that each day will be different,” says Natalie. “And know that this transition will take time.
“As a former primary school teacher (specialising in Year One for six years) it would take them a whole 12 weeks to settle into a new routine and way of learning - so please, be gentle with yourself, keep it simple.
“It’s ok to figure this out, one day at a time.”
Remember…
13. Play is productive
“For primary-aged children, remember that not all their learning has to happen at the table with a pen in hand,” says Georgina Durrant, founder of The SEN Resources Blog.
“In the first lockdown I filmed daily ‘ways to learn through play’ home learning activities, which I shared on YouTube and I’m back filming them again.”
Amanda Gummer, play psychologist and founder of the @GoodPlayGuide adds: “Children learn through play and learning is most effective when children are engrossed in activities, so let them lead the play and try to include the learning.
“Counting legs on dinosaurs or petals on flowers are both counting. Find kids’ interests and go with it. Our Home Learning Hub was popular last time and we’re adding more to it. Learning through play is so powerful and much less stressful for parents.”
14. Screen-time is not a sin
I have had to try to learn to accept that my son will watch more CBeebies, Cocomelon and fire engine videos on YouTube than I would ideally like him to. Screen-time can be a saviour when you need to get something done and that’s ok, especially as the BBC will be broadcasting educational content during this lockdown.
15. You cannot possibly do it all
“You are only a human and there is only so much you can do,” says Ivana Poku.
“Don’t feel you need to be the best teacher, stay at home/working mum or dad. There’s a reason we have different jobs! We can’t do them all,” writes psychologist Sarah Mundy, founder of Parenting Through Stories, in her top tips.
“Remember all our tempers will be frayed at times, it’s ok to make more mistakes and for your children to be harder to manage.”
Can You Help With A Little Thing?
An upcoming issue of The Little Things will focus on how to keep your cool while parenting when stressed or anxious. Even babies and toddlers can pick up when mum and dad are out of sorts, and this can cause them to act up, which can be even harder to deal with when you’re already under pressure.
Have you found any ways to keep your cool when your child is pushing your buttons? If so, please do let me know by replying to this email.
About Me
I’m Ellen Wallwork, a sleep-deprived mum-of-one, incessant worrier and freelance journalist. I’ve been writing about parenting for more years than I care to remember and previously launched the Parents section on HuffPost UK. Follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (but be warned, I’m not a prolific poster).
If you enjoyed this newsletter and perhaps learnt something new, please do forward it to your friends or give it a shout out on social media. You could also buy me a virtual coffee through ko-fi, here (caffeinated please, did I mention I'm tired?)
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Disclaimer: This newsletter does not provide medical advice and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. The use of any information contained in this newsletter is solely at your own risk.